by Conlee Ricketts
Since I am a "grown up" (chronologically) I think it's okay if I say what drives me crazy about grown ups. We think we know everything. Especially what its like to be a teenager (since we were one once). Well I disagree.
May I be the first (maybe) to publicly admit that I have no clue what it's like to be you. My teen years were NOTHING like yours in so many ways. And I truly believe that parents and teachers may need to consider this. I really wish they would.
Let me first tell you about the obvious differences I see. First: "back in the day" when I went to school I had the luxury of 7 uninterrupted hours away from my parents! And my teachers could only reach me during the 50 minute class period. My day was filled with the freedom to be me, get into trouble, get out of trouble, make plans, do stupid things, and all this was done with ZERO interference from Mom or Dad texting me in the middle of the day OR with ZERO chance my stupidity would be instantly documented and shared on Instagram, Facebook, or You Tube. I would have never received a text from a teacher telling me about overdue assignments, or to come speak with them about my not living up to my potential, and this is a great one...my parents could NOT get online and see the latest test score I received and bombed on Friday, ultimately ruining the weekend plans I had already made during my glorious free-from-parents school time. Hey, if I got a paper back on Friday with a low score and Mom asked me, "Hey, how did you do on that Hamlet essay?" I would just say, "The teacher said he is returning them on Monday." Yay! Weekend plans saved!
For all of you teens out there, I just want to say how much I admire the life you juggle. It was nothing like mine. I think we all still share the angst of high school stuff like grades, body image, self image, friends, enemies, humiliation, even bullying, BUT you have it so much different than I did. Your life is different, your angst is different, and I want anyone over thirty to know this. You deal with a level of stress that if I were 17 again and had a phone in my hand with a camera and internet browser on it, and so did EVERYONE else, I don't know how I would have handled it. But you don't seem the least bit stressed by it at all; it's your life, you grew into it, you deal with it in a way that I don't think I completely understand.
This phone in my hand can lead me to instant information and gratification when I am lost or have questions or want to share something funny. But in the hands of my 17 year old self? That would have been a disaster. My parents checking my grades and texting me constantly would have driven me NUTS! That girl that threw up on the principals shoes because she got drunk at lunch--well her life would have been a nightmare after her "friends" posted a picture of that on line for the world to see. That sophomore with the locker next to mine freshman year that I may or may not have called a bitch could have taunted me endlessly on line, as opposed to what actually happened when she thundered up to me at the lockers yelling in my face, "So, I hear you called me a bitch!"
"I...I didn't call you a bitch! I may have said you act like a bitch when you come over and slam you door into my face while I'm trying to get my books out. I didn't mean to really call you a bitch." stammer, stammer, legs shaking, feeling like a giant dork.
"Oh, well...sorry." And she walked off and that was it; I was stunned. She could have made my life a living hell on line, but in my world if you wanted to bully me you had to do it to my face, in front of everyone.
If I had to live your life starting today, I would be so stressed out. The potential for me doing something stupid (a given) and then being instantly humiliated in front of what feels like a zillion people on the internet, makes my heart ache. I don't have all the answers to the problems you face; I just have more questions. That is why I decided that it is critical for adults to stop pretending to have all the answers to your challenges. Why? Because, to screw up Shakespeare, "Answers fill you, questions open you" (I think it goes something like that.) Adults need to work on that. How can anyone be a trusted adult in your life if we are unwilling to acknowledge your differences, your stresses, your feelings; if we can't listen first and have you tell us what it's REALLY like in your world?
For more information about parent workshops or teen workshops contact conlee@accepteen.com
Since I am a "grown up" (chronologically) I think it's okay if I say what drives me crazy about grown ups. We think we know everything. Especially what its like to be a teenager (since we were one once). Well I disagree.
May I be the first (maybe) to publicly admit that I have no clue what it's like to be you. My teen years were NOTHING like yours in so many ways. And I truly believe that parents and teachers may need to consider this. I really wish they would.
Let me first tell you about the obvious differences I see. First: "back in the day" when I went to school I had the luxury of 7 uninterrupted hours away from my parents! And my teachers could only reach me during the 50 minute class period. My day was filled with the freedom to be me, get into trouble, get out of trouble, make plans, do stupid things, and all this was done with ZERO interference from Mom or Dad texting me in the middle of the day OR with ZERO chance my stupidity would be instantly documented and shared on Instagram, Facebook, or You Tube. I would have never received a text from a teacher telling me about overdue assignments, or to come speak with them about my not living up to my potential, and this is a great one...my parents could NOT get online and see the latest test score I received and bombed on Friday, ultimately ruining the weekend plans I had already made during my glorious free-from-parents school time. Hey, if I got a paper back on Friday with a low score and Mom asked me, "Hey, how did you do on that Hamlet essay?" I would just say, "The teacher said he is returning them on Monday." Yay! Weekend plans saved!
For all of you teens out there, I just want to say how much I admire the life you juggle. It was nothing like mine. I think we all still share the angst of high school stuff like grades, body image, self image, friends, enemies, humiliation, even bullying, BUT you have it so much different than I did. Your life is different, your angst is different, and I want anyone over thirty to know this. You deal with a level of stress that if I were 17 again and had a phone in my hand with a camera and internet browser on it, and so did EVERYONE else, I don't know how I would have handled it. But you don't seem the least bit stressed by it at all; it's your life, you grew into it, you deal with it in a way that I don't think I completely understand.
This phone in my hand can lead me to instant information and gratification when I am lost or have questions or want to share something funny. But in the hands of my 17 year old self? That would have been a disaster. My parents checking my grades and texting me constantly would have driven me NUTS! That girl that threw up on the principals shoes because she got drunk at lunch--well her life would have been a nightmare after her "friends" posted a picture of that on line for the world to see. That sophomore with the locker next to mine freshman year that I may or may not have called a bitch could have taunted me endlessly on line, as opposed to what actually happened when she thundered up to me at the lockers yelling in my face, "So, I hear you called me a bitch!"
"I...I didn't call you a bitch! I may have said you act like a bitch when you come over and slam you door into my face while I'm trying to get my books out. I didn't mean to really call you a bitch." stammer, stammer, legs shaking, feeling like a giant dork.
"Oh, well...sorry." And she walked off and that was it; I was stunned. She could have made my life a living hell on line, but in my world if you wanted to bully me you had to do it to my face, in front of everyone.
If I had to live your life starting today, I would be so stressed out. The potential for me doing something stupid (a given) and then being instantly humiliated in front of what feels like a zillion people on the internet, makes my heart ache. I don't have all the answers to the problems you face; I just have more questions. That is why I decided that it is critical for adults to stop pretending to have all the answers to your challenges. Why? Because, to screw up Shakespeare, "Answers fill you, questions open you" (I think it goes something like that.) Adults need to work on that. How can anyone be a trusted adult in your life if we are unwilling to acknowledge your differences, your stresses, your feelings; if we can't listen first and have you tell us what it's REALLY like in your world?
For more information about parent workshops or teen workshops contact conlee@accepteen.com
